Back in Amsterdam

Today I was sitting in my dreamy morning coma at the breakfast table with tea, bread and cheese while the sun was shining in the room and warming my face. The feeling reminded me of Singapore (the sun, not the bread and the cheese) and I was suddenly wondering why I always write to my friends in Holland how I’m doing abroad but don’t write to my friends abroad how I’m doing in Holland. So hereby: how I am doing in the little frogland (as we call it in Dutch). For the Dutch people, you can just ignore this blog, since I assume you do actually know how life in Holland works.

The first two weeks when I arrived in Holland I was floating above the Dutch ground, my mind and thoughts scattered all over Asia and remembering Singapore life a lot. It was suddenly so strange to be without the fiends that surrounded me for half a year, made me laugh so much, worked with me, helped me, taught me so much and brought back important stuff to me when I lost it (like laptops, ahum). But the strangest thing of all was that it wasn’t strange to be back. I mean, it wás strange to be back, but home wasn’t strange. So not strange, that after two hours back home I could almost not imagine I actually went to Singapore. Nothing changed, I knew the airport, the train station, the car of my parents, my parents themselves, my friends, the canals, my bike, the social conducts and manners, what Dutch people find funny, how my friends behave, what they enjoy, how time should be spend and how to make jokes with Dutch people on the market near my home.

Those were two chaotic weeks. I was constantly torn between two things. There was the excitement of being back and seeing my lovely old friends I know for more than ten years, eating my homefood (jamjam), enjoying the awesomeness of Amsterdam (somehow I had forgotten about that in Singapore). There is such an enormous amount of things to do, so many creative, enjoyable people, there is so much time to do whatever you want and all people actually do what they want, in university there is not a single drop of competiveness and everybody is helping each other, so many completely new inspirational things going on in this little city of less than a million people and more than a million bicycles.

On the other hand I was missing my life in Singapore and the people so heavily that I have had moments in the morning (as you know, morning is not my best time) I was sitting with my jacket on, crying because of feeling lonely without anyone who really knew what I have been doing past half year, planning to leave, but couldn’t find the power to actually face the cold Dutch weather and just sitting at home.

But the cliché is true, time helps. So after two weeks in Holland I am completely back to my normal level of bouncingballjumpingenergy, running around in Amsterdam, organizing this and that, participating in all kind of strange activities (since a few weeks I’m doing lindyhop, for the people who don’t know what it is, youtube it), telling over and over again about my experiences in Singapore, enjoying the enormous amount of time available to do whatever you want, so see a lot of friends, doing all kind of extra interesting modules about Asia (I cannot completely detach myself from that wonderful continent), participating in debates about the future of University (we have now an awful government and I’m really worried about the future of culture and education here, which is really sad because it is used to be so amazing here) and to spend time with my family. I have been seeing my aunts and uncles, all my fourteen cousins, visiting my wonderful grandparents I had been missing more than I could imagine and I am living again with my parents, which is quite strange for Dutch students who all have their own home and life (individuality is really important here and one main thing of education is to throw your children in the deep end and learn them to manage their own life completely, so you have to live on your own. It doesn’t mean that Dutch people have a bad relation with their parents, but it is just very different.) Living with my parents is a very different way of life again (although I am not that much home of course) but I am enjoying and I have been seeing things really differently since being back from Singapore.

The main thing I got from my experience of being abroad and meeting all you wonderful people and wonderful places, is not that I changed myself (the contrary actually, I have the feeling I became even more Charlotte than I was before) but that my eyes got renewed. Suddenly things that have been very normal to me, turned out to be not that normal compared to the whole world. I started suddenly questioning things about the world and my country: how is it possible that the people in my country are like they are? How did I became the person who I am? With new interests and worldviews I’m learning the Dutch history again (which compared to Asia is so young!) and learning things about my city which is hiding history since 1200 everywhere in everyday life.

I’m enjoying being part of the community of The Learning Lab again (http://vimeo.com/20460931) and such amazing wonderful new things are happening that I am dreaming dreams I have never dared to dream before. Ah I’m finding it so hard to describe my life here because everything is so normal for me, but it is of course not that normal (since I even cannot claim the fact that I’m normal). Hours and hours of talking in the small lovely café’s of Amsterdam with friends about everything and nothing, no pressure at all to do well (here the best thing to achieve is not to get the best grades, but to be so smart you can still pass with as little effort as possible) and the whole society is based on different standards which you simply have to see (you understand already this whole blog is actually an attempt to make you guys come to Holland, since I am not sure if I reminded you guys enough of that, or did I :) ?)

I’m thinking a lot about my future which is very vague and unclear. One thing I know is that I want to be abroad again, but for the rest everything is open. Next year I take a year break again, I’m going to work and travel again, but details are still very vague. It is very scary and sometimes I am wondering if I am doing the right thing, but on the other hand it is amazingly exciting to have the whole world open to me. Ideas are more than welcome. Anyway, one thing is sure, see you guys soon somehow, someway!

Lots of love from Amsterdam, also from my huge cat, know I still wonder ‘what time is it now in Singapore?’ and ‘what would my friends do now?’, think a lot about you and I wish you an amazingly amount of good luck with all your busy wonderful lives there at the other side of the world,

Charlotte